


The Growing Curve

by jjjat3am



Category: Glee, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, random song lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjat3am/pseuds/jjjat3am
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to a twist of fate, Finn Hudson ends up as a tech on baby Panic's first tour. Brendon decides he has another victim for piggyback rides and Disney movies and Finn is used to Sue Sylvester type chaos so he fits right in. He's also developing some feelings for his hyperactive frontman, but is determined to put them aside, because Brendon is famous and talented, while he's just a tech on his tour. It's not until those feelings start becoming mutual that the real problems start.</p>
<p>So Finn is running away, Brendon isn't sure what he wants and everyone just wants them to stop with the drama already.</p>
<p>The Glee part is a bit AU for my own purposes and indepth knowledge of Glee isn't required, you just need to know that Sebastian Smythe is pretty much an asshole.</p>
<p>Notes on the timeline: The Glee timeline has been moved so it happens before Panic gets signed therefore Finn is actually older than Brendon.</p>
<p>Written for <a href="http://crossbigbang.livejournal.com/">crossover big bang</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Growing Curve

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:Written before the death of Cory Monteith and not intended for any disrespect toward him or his closest. Also not intended as disrespectful to real musicians mentioned and written about. I've never met these people and this most definitely didn't happen.
> 
> Thanks to Shen, for beta-ing, for your kind words and for my improved self-esteem. To Eliana, for your care and encouragement (and for Shen).
> 
> You can listen to the playlist [here](http://8tracks.com/jjjanimefan/the-growing-curve/)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! This is my first longer work, so any constructive criticism is really appreciated.

**_Prologue_ **

Leading the new generation of Glee club and directing Grease is amazing and so startlingly different from the bleak summer spent at the Hummel garage, that Finn doesn’t actually have time to mourn his break-up or his army rejection properly.

This is probably why the sadness and failure hit him like a punch in the gut after he realizes that he is much too under qualified for a teaching job, no matter how good it might have felt to finally be doing something he loves. He comes home after the competition, shuts himself in his room and refuses to come out. Eventually Kurt’s constant phone calls and Blaine’s worried visits are what make him come out again. Even years later, he’s grateful for their care, because they put him first despite the considerable emotional drama they were still experiencing as a couple.

Finn starts working at the garage again. It’s not what he had hoped for his future, but it’s something to do and the manual labor is useful, because it keeps him from thinking. The monotonous days are interrupted only by Blaine’s visits and eventually the Skype movie dates they have with Kurt, where Finn mediates and Klaine tries to slowly repair their relationship. It works and when Finn drives Blaine to the train station, acceptance letter to NYADA tucked safely into his bag, he is almost content, because he now has two brothers that are happy again.

The days grow steadily bleaker without Blaine’s presence and Finn spends more and more time behind his drums, because that is the only time where the lethargy fits of his limbs and he feels alive again.

Then one day, a bright red van rolls into the garage looking like it’s about to fall apart and with it comes a guy with a bad boy persona to rival Noah Puckerman’s. He’s listening to Iron Maiden though, so Finn supposes that he can’t really be that bad of a person.

Finn is alone in the garage, all the other mechanics off to lunch while he finishes replacing the oil in an old SUV, which is why he has to be the one to talk to the customer with bleached hair and more tattoos he had ever seen on a human in person. (Finn isn’t usually allowed to talk to the customers after an incident with break room coffee and a new summer dress that lead to them doing a full repair on a Mini Cooper for free)

Finn hands him the paperwork to fill out and watches as he writes out the required information. The customer has his knuckles tattooed, the writing on his right hand spelling out Love. As he reaches up to tuck away a blond bang, Finn sees that his other hand has Lost written on it.

“Martha here,” the blond motions to the car “is a sweetheart, but she’s got this remarkable habit of breaking down at the most inconvenient moments. She’s been making this clanging noise for a while now and there’s only so much you can fix with duct tape.”

“I’ll tell my boss and we’ll check it out. It could be a few days though, we’re pretty swamped.” Finn is familiar with the shop banter by now and there’s no reason for this stranger to be any different, no matter how interesting. He can’t help but peak at the information form after he leaves though. It says his name is Drake.

Finn is charged with bringing the van to its docking station and when he sits behind the wheel, there’s a flyer sticking out from behind it. It’s an invitation to a bar in Columbus called Dan’s, that has live music playing every Friday, mostly local bands trying for a big break. Its spur of the moment and his Friday schedule is empty (it’s been empty for a while, to be honest), so he decides to check it out.

He goes to Dan’s on Friday and listens to the bands playing. Most of them are pretty shitty, but an hour in, when he’s throwing himself around in the mosh-pit, long limbs flying, he feels happier than he’s been in almost a year. He sees Drake again, dressed in tight jeans and wielding a guitar like it’s a weapon, only occasionally stopping to scream something into a microphone. His band is good, probably the best of the night.

Finn gets home late, bruised, sweaty and beaming. Next Friday he goes again.

And again next week. He does eventually meet Drake, who shoots him a smirk and swings an arm over his shoulder, chattering on about what a good job he did on Martha the van and how she runs like a dream now. Finn bites his cheek and avoids mentioning that they don’t let him work complicated jobs like the van yet. Still, somehow it’s enough for Drake to take him under his wing. He meets Drake’s band and Drake’s friends. He learns how to speak about music with others and since it’s the one thing he’s always been comfortable with, it somehow smooths away his normal awkwardness. Finn knows that he can still be pretty dumb about things, but nobody gets to make him feel stupid again.

Eventually he’s as much of a fixture at the bar as Drake, who somehow becomes one of his best friends, possibly because of Finn’s tolerance of the chaos that surrounds Drake on a daily basis (after babygate, Sue Sylvester and his own failed relationships, Finn is almost immune to chaos).

Finn talks drums every Tuesday with an old man at the bar counter, who introduces himself as Mark and claims he used to play drums for Frank Zappa. (Finn listens to Zappa’s records the next day and blushes for about another week after his mother walks in, listens for a moment and walks right out with a teasing smirk.)

Mark introduces him to Zeke, the sound tech, who patiently explains the soundboard to him as Finn hangs on his every word. Finn tries to make himself useful, carrying amps and equipment wherever Zeke directs him. It’s mostly manual work and Finn is a strong guy, so it works out well for him to do the labor and get to learn while doing it.

One night, Drake overhears one of Finn’s conversations with Mark and pesters Finn until he agrees to come audition for his band because _“Marty really sucked and they need a new drummer really badly now”_. This is how Finn finds himself devoting Mondays and Wednesdays to practice with _Out Platform_.

They get better and better, Drake writing new songs and howling out the lyrics at every performance, shredding his guitar while Finn bashes away on his drums and thinks _Yes_ and _Finally_. He rarely thinks about Rachel, his heart too lost in the beat of the drum to hurt anymore.

When Drake comes up to the band one evening, waving a piece of paper after speaking for a long while with a man in a suit, it seems like a logical next step. They start touring in a tiny van (Martha, actually) with barely enough space for their equipment and four musicians, but they have a tentative record deal after they finish and life is fantastic.

So of course it falls apart.

Turns out that Drake’s brand of chaos might be a bit too much to handle for everyone else. Everybody but Finn is almost constantly drunk or high and their performances get increasingly shitty, because Drake can’t hold a tune when he’s so wasted. Finn watches quietly, withdrawing behind his drums, stepping in when the rest of the band are about to do something stupid. Mostly though, he talks to the people they meet at the venues, the techs, the sound guys, even the managers. He soaks it up like a sponge, because despite his train wreck of a band, he feels like a glimmer of something might be emerging here, a something that he might be able to do with his life from now on.

_Out Platform_ plays their last gig at a venue in New Jersey. Afterwards they’re quiet in the closet-like back room and all things considered, it’s a clean break. 

Instead of going back to Ohio, Finn calls Kurt and Blaine and takes the train into New York City. He stays with them in their cramped studio apartment and it’s probably the happiest few months of his life, living on their little couch. They harmonize over morning coffee, sing Sinatra in the evenings after the dinners that Finn cooks (Carole’s influence is far-reaching) and randomly burst into songs and giggles while walking in Central Park.

Blaine is delighted to have another person to practice with for his (currently!) off-Broadway musical and Finn and Kurt go to the premiere and throw flowers on stage when it ends. Blaine gets embarrassed because “honestly guys it’s just a small part, really”. (He sings the hell out of that role and people are taking notice)

Kurt is just delighted that his brother is mellow enough that he can use him as a model for some of the clothing designs he comes up with. NYADA may have rejected him, but Parsons School for Design had welcomed him with open arms. He is even more delighted when he gets to take his newly dressed up step-brother to some of New York’s famous gay bars after Finn admits that he may have found himself lingering on Drake’s hands and ass a bit too often to convince himself that he was fully straight.( Those drums really do cover up an erection quite admirably. )

A few discreet hook-ups later, he’s convinced that he’s pretty much as bisexual as it gets and doesn’t worry about it anymore. With his embarrassing mailman problem fixed and a lack of frigid celibate girlfriends, he finds that sex is much more fun that he thought it could be.

If he sometimes looks too long after a tiny brunette passes by, nobody comments on it. Blaine and Kurt never mention Rachel and he doesn’t ask.

It turns out that New York’s thriving music scene has a bigger need for techs and guys that can man a soundboard for a while than Bumfuck, Ohio. Finn has no problem getting work in the various venues dotting the city. He likes the work and he’s good at it. He sets up the stages, the instruments, draws cables and carries equipment around. The other techs are good guys and he often hangs outside by the backdoor, not for the nicotine, but for the conversation. So when he gets the opportunity to follow a few local bands on tour with a group of techs he met at one of the gigs, he hugs Kurt and Blaine goodbye, packs up his bags and leaves. (He’s learned to pack lightly by then.)

He hops from tour to tour for the next two years, taking breaks only to spend some time in New York with Klaine and visiting with his mom and Burt in Ohio.

He calls in on Mercedes when he’s in L.A. and spends a memorable evening cruising the blues clubs where Mercedes performs and leaves the old men in awe when she moves on. They sing their first official duet at a small karaoke bar and promise each other that they’ll do it more often, because they sound good together. (Because Mercedes’ voice is powerful and beautiful, but it’s down to earth enough that he doesn’t feel like he’s being swept away).

When he leaves, she tells him about her record deal and how her dreams might finally be coming true. He says that he believes in her and that he expects a free copy of the album, because “tech’s aren’t really paid all that well, you know?”.

(He’s the first one she tells, right after her parents. He gloats about that to Kurt for years.)

(He never bothers to contact Puck when he’s there. He doesn’t quite know how to explain that one, except that some things hurt more in the harsher lights of not-High school)

Afterwards he goes back on the road. It isn’t a bad life and he’s kept busy between the equipment and the music. If he almost doesn’t drum at all and if the only singing he gets done is humming when he’s setting up the stage, well…life can’t be perfect.

Then he gets called by his bosses at Fueled by Ramen and is told that he’s getting his own band to look after for their first headlining tour of the USA. Apparently they’re new to the scene, their record doing incredibly well for a band that hadn’t even played a single show before being signed.

Technically it’s quite a promotion, because he gets to lead the group of techs for Panic! at the Disco as the drums and microphone tech. So he’s excited and a bit apprehensive, waiting in front of the bus to meet his new band.

Brendon Urie is running circles around his bandmates, obviously excited, despite the grueling weeks spent in the studio and an exhausting tour of Europe. He reminds Finn of a fusion between Kurt and Blaine, with his quirky fashion and penchant for bursting into song at unusual times. He blames his immediate protective feelings on that and not on the fact that Brendon has really deep dark eyes and a very pretty smile. (the girl-jeans are a bonus as well)

Brendon shakes his hand enthusiastically and it’s cold and a bit clammy, so Finn offers him his most reassuring smile in return and almost gets blinded by the answering grin.

It feels like a beginning.

*

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. Panic! is just getting started on this fame thing, after all. The whole recording process was kind of rushed and they’re barely figuring out how to exist as a band, especially after changing their bassist on such short notice.

Plus, Brendon is 19 and he’s an internationally famous rockstar. He’s got bigger things to worry about than a 23-year old tech that sets up his microphone every night. Or so Finn tells himself when he catches himself automatically smiling when he sees Brendon bouncing around the corner. He does a lot of bouncing as far as Finn can see, like a giant hyperactive ball of lead singer, constantly in awe of his shiny new life.

He bursts into song haphazardly and can seemingly play any instrument under the sun. Finn even catches himself harmonizing under his breath a few times. And Brendon on drums…well, the unfortunate postman is used after years of not being needed.

But Finn is surprisingly good at hiding what he feels by now. He’s had years of practice. So he tucks away those feelings somewhere deep inside his brain and pretends. It works well. He does his best to make the band as comfortable as possible, helping them settle into their new role. The instruments are always immaculately set, the sound fixed and the lights set exactly to Ryan’s specifications. Ryan is kind of strict about those, Finn has found. He tries not to mind too much, Kurt’s lectures on artistic vision on the forefront of his mind. He has no idea what Ryan’s talking about half the time anyway and has Spencer translate when the former is out of earshot.

Spencer is pretty awesome in general actually. Not only does he translate Ryan’s babbling with just the slightest twitch of his lips, he also plays the drums like a beast, which is in Finn’s option the highest praise available. His weird intensity just reminds Finn of Kurt, so it doesn’t really phase him much, even if it freaks out the other techs. They also talk about drums sometimes or music or how Spencer is freaking out over this band thing a little. Apparently Finn is so reassuring he can reassure anyone. Huh.

Jon Walker is awesome. This is a notion that Finn firmly believes after spending an afternoon with Jon, a camera and a few joints. He doesn’t really remember it that well afterward except that the he looks alright in photos for the first time ever.

Finn just tries to be as helpful as possible. He always stands backstage, offering encouraging smiles or cracking lame jokes when someone looks too close to puking because of the nerves or he waits sidestage, watching the set like a hawk, ready to fix anything that goes wrong. So in a few months, not only is he indispensable, he is also everybody’s friend.

He wasn’t expecting for that to include so much contact though. It seems like the band is a pretty handsy bunch once you show that you have no particular problem with it. Ryan has this strange way of invading your personal space by which he stands much too close and tends to try to manhandle you wherever he wants you to be. (Finn is usually so surprised by the manhandling attempt, that he just goes wherever he’s directed. Ryan and manhandling is not a concept he can fit together well).

Spencer emphasizes all his arguments with copious amounts of hand patting and shoulder squeezing and sometimes, when he’s out of breath after complaining about the latest management related predicament, he’ll lean his head on Finn’s shoulder, calmed and trusting.

Brendon though…Brendon is a problem. He hands out hugs like it’s his day job, to everyone that seems receptive. And Finn is definitely receptive. They’re good hugs though, full body contact, just the right amount of squeeze so you don’t feel stifled and… (at this point Finn’s brain is already going _repressrepresshe’stooyoungrepress_ ). Brendon says hello by resting his head on Finn’s shoulder and feels the need to wedge his toes under his thighs or use his lap as a pillow when Finn is hanging out on Panic’s bus. Finn just can’t find the energy to mind because Brendon is unbelievably cute doing all those things and has somehow managed to attain a mastery of puppy-dog eyes and impressive pouts that would put a 5-year-old to shame.

He doesn’t just hug with Brendon, though. They talk often; sometimes just exchanging gossip or discussing instruments (because Brendon plays drums too, okay) and sometimes serious talks about Brendon growing up in Las Vegas or some of Finn’s touring stories. It’s nice.

This is how Finn Hudson becomes the unofficial shadow of the band and apparently their official tech, because he follows them on every tour after that.

**_Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the Disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: Hummingbirds don’t cry, they just fly_ **

Finn Hudson hummed all the time. This was a well-known fact among the techs and the bands who’d worked with him and although he got shit for it, it died out after a while when he didn’t react to the teasing beyond smiling wider and humming louder. However, although many had tried, nobody could make him actively sing something.

Adam Lazzara once spent a week following him everywhere, singing showtunes and 80s hits stealthily from behind amps and equipment, hoping Finn might forget himself and sing along. He didn’t and Adam was thankfully distracted from his mission by his bandmates, because Finn began to frantically check around every corner talking about voices in his head singing Karma Chameleon.

Still, Finn didn’t sing. He hummed while setting up the drums and murmured words under his breath when he was taping cables, sometimes tapping a beat on any available flat surface or dancing subtly, yet ineptly along.

This is how Brendon found him one day.

See Brendon was bored. Okay, sure there was press to do and then soundcheck, or maybe video games or napping or listening to music. Still, that got old way fast and Ryan was in one of his moods anyways, so things were a bit uncomfortable on the bus for everyone but Spencer, who wasn’t ever fazed by Ryan’s scowl.

Therefore Brendon decided on spending some time with his favorite tech. He set off towards the stage, as Finn always seemed to be around the instruments in some capacity, setting up or directing the others.

Despite that, he always had time for Brendon and was the one person on tour who never seemed annoyed when he got lost in his own head and started babbling on about seemingly random things like Disney and music (Brendon was aware of his filter problem okay, Spencer didn’t have to rub it in).  
When this happened Finn would listen attentively while going about his business and while he obviously didn’t understand the majority of things coming out of Brendon’s mouth, he laughed and nodded at the ones he did and occasionally even injected an appropriate comment.

Finn was also the person who didn’t seem to mind indulging Brendon’s love of touching. He was always ready with a hug, which was awesome because he gave awesome hugs, his big body surrounding and towering above Brendon like a giant teddy-bear. Combined with the air of protection that Finn excluded, he made Brendon feel better even in the uncertainty of the everyday life of a rockstar.

Less safe, but no less fun, were the piggybacks Finn gave. He would often break out into a run with Brendon stuck on his back, laughing breathlessly all the way to the bus.

So really its simple logic to find Finn whenever Brendon is bored, because Finn is always happy to see him.

Finn is predictably on stage when Brendon finds him, taping some cords so Brendon doesn’t trip on them later, which he spends a moment being thankful for, because while many rock gods have managed to make falling on their butts sexy in the past, Brendon is sure that his attempt wouldn’t turn out so well.

But, hey, back to Finn. Right when he’s about to let loose a loud obnoxious greeting that never fails to make Finn smile like a loon, Brendon realizes that Finn is…humming. Loudly. And that there’s some painfully awkward hip action going on as well.

Finn is humming what sounds like **Heart** ’s All I wanna do is make love to you and Brendon loves that song and he certainly has no qualms about singing along. Funnily enough, Finn doesn’t even seem to comprehend it at first and is in the middle of adding a low harmony to _and your loving arms to hold on to_ when he realizes there are two voices and he turns around so fast he almost gives himself whiplash.

He looks breathless and absolutely terrified and totally unlike normal Finn Hudson, so Brendon does the only thing he can think of and belts out the rest of the song as loud as possible, bounding over to Finn and straight into a hug.

After the song, he continues like nothing happened.

“Finn Hudson! Just the man I was looking for. In your opinion, who is the best Disney sidekick, Sebastian or the Genie? Personally I’d vote for the Genie, but that’s because I love Aladdin like a lot and Jon agreed with me, but then Spencer mentioned Baloo and Jon switched too, because he might just like the Jungle book more than Aladdin which is just crazy and wrong, don’t you think so? Aladdin is definitely the greatest Disney movie of all time and the songs are really awesome and I like it when Jon sings with me and Ryan sometimes joins in except I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it until Spencer starts sniggering and Ryan stops singing and starts blushing and Jon starts laughing and man, Spencer ruins everything sometimes.”

Brendon manages to finish up that incredible monologue without taking a breath and is now sporting a truly impressive pout, aimed directly at Finn’s confused expression.

Finn spends a few moments processing this and eventually offers a “I liked Aladdin best too.”

This is apparently enough for Brendon, because he continues chattering away while Finn works on the cords and stays there until it’s time for soundcheck and the rest of the band arrives.

Brendon never mentions Finn’s weird reaction to duets in the conversation or any conversations after that. He does wonder though, what happened to make their unflappable goofy Finn Hudson look that afraid and vows to fix it when the opportunity arises.

Mostly, he tries to not dwell on how well their voices meshed together for a moment, with Finn’s low harmony a perfect counterpart to his own higher, quirkier vocal.

He tries not to think about how he wants to hear it again.

**_Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the Disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: Finny goes grrrrrrrr!_ **

Finn always feels uncomfortable in Europe. Maybe it’s the whole air of culture and fear-my-history going on, but he knows that it never fails in making him feel like a snot-nosed brat. 

Reading makes him even more uneasy than usual and it doesn’t help that things seem to be going wrong like clockwork. First the equipment gets lost on its way overseas and arrives a few hours late, so the preparations are rushed, not helped by the fact that the festival techs are apparently all assholes about helping out without being specifically ordered to.

Still, soundcheck goes fairly smoothly, but the feeling of wrongness intensifies when the first (staggeringly drunk) listeners start gathering.

The band is unaffected by the mood Finn and some of the other techs are in. In fact, Brendon seems even bouncier than usual and doesn’t even register Finn’s worried glances. 

Finn settles on the edge of the stage, ready to dive in and fix whatever goes wrong, but still hoping for an easy show. Hoping in vain it turns out. 

After a few moments he notices a few very drunk characters in the crowd, jeering and shouting insults and exchanges a tense look with Zack, both familiar with this sort of trouble from years of touring. He is still looking out to the crowd, which is why he is the first to register the full water bottle flying towards the stage. When it reaches Brendon a moment later, he is already halfway across the stage, catching him on the way down. The next few minutes are a blur as Finn lifts Brendon prone form in his arms and carries him off stage while Zack fusses over him.

Brendon wakes up almost immediately, disoriented, but apparently not seriously harmed.

“I’m alright, I’m fine, we have to finish the set, we have to finish, let me back on, I’m fine!” is what Brendon keeps repeating and 5 minutes later, he’s back on stage while his band hovers close by, worried.

They finish the set.

Finn doesn’t actually remember most of it afterward, because he can’t quite see through the red haze of rage that’s covering his eyes. He keeps trying to track down the guy who threw the bottle, but he’d already disappeared into the crowd. 

When the band tumbles off stage, Finn signals Jack and Nick, the other two techs, to clear up the equipment and for Zack to take care of the rest of the band. Then he slings his left arm around Brendon’s waist, leading him gently through the crowd backstage. The people scramble to get out of the way of his glare, because, honestly, Finn is a big muscled dude and he looks mad enough to kill.

Finn is aware that he must look frightening, but he can’t stop, because he can’t really remember a time when he felt this protective of someone and Brendon looks smaller than usual, disoriented and leaning on him for support and every time he looks at him, a new wave of protectiveness hits.

Finally they arrive at the empty bus and Finn directs Brendon down on the front lounge couch and then pulls out some ice from the tiny freezer, wrapping it a towel to press against the bruise already forming on Brendon’s head. As an afterthought, he grabs a Capri Sun out of the fridge and directs Brendon to drink it, while pressing the ice gently against his head.

At this point Brendon is a little out of it, the pain and shock of the hit combining with the adrenaline of the show, leaving him queasy and bewildered, so he’s just aware that someone is taking care of him and that he’s safe and he surrenders to the ministrations without a fight.

Finn sits next to him and eases Brendon’s head down so it’s resting on his thigh, holding up the ice for him. With the bruise covered up and Brendon’s warm weight on his leg, some of the tension unwinds from Finn’s body, but he still glares when the door of the bus opens and it only softens when he sees that the rest of the band looks as worried as he feels. So he settles Brendon in his bunk and leaves him for his band to look after.

Before he goes, he leans down carefully, mindful of the narrow bunk, and brushes the softest of kisses against Brendon’s forehead. Then he leaves the bus, not noticing the speculative glances being thrown his way.

*

Finn is unnaturally protective of the band, especially of Brendon, for the next few days. In fact he’s downright hovering, staring down any unfortunate fan that might be getting too close. After the fifth time a tiny adolescent girl turns tail and runs immediately after she gets her CD signed when she catches the frown from the built and pissed off tech, Brendon has had enough.

He confronts Finn while he’s setting up Spencer’s drums and fiddling with the monitor.

“Finn.” Brendon’s uncharacteristically serious tone causes Finn to immediately focus his total attention on him. And then he overreacts. Predictably.

“Brendon! What happened? Is anyone hurt? God, I knew I shouldn’t have let Ryan wander off for coffee alone this morning, that girl with the unicorn T-shirt was eyeing him like a bird of prey. Has he been kidnapped? Oh no, what if she traps him in her basement and then she takes his scarf? I swear, he gets weaker without them, it’s like that Bible story Quinn made me read that she thought was romantic…”

The kicker is, Finn looks completely sincere. Brendon spends a moment wondering how anyone could tie Ryan’s life force to his scarves and how Finn apparently thinks it’s a completely valid assumption, before he remember he has a job to do.

“…Spencer can’t just be without his shoes, what if they force him to play drums and he can’t get any purchase on the ground? He could fall and…” Finn is still going; holding on to the tuner like it’s a weapon.

“Nobody is hurt.” Brendon decides to cut in.

“Oh.” Finn looks completely bewildered. “Are you sure? Because it could have happened while you were gone. Jon could be stuck somewhere because his flip-flops got wedged into a hole in the cement! What if he can’t get to the bus? What if we can’t find him?”

“You’re driving us crazy! You body checked Jack yesterday when he was handing Jon his bass!” Brendon bursts out.

“But it was slipping! It could have hit him!”

“So? It happens all the time. If anyone body slammed the floor every time I slipped and fell on my face on it, there would be…a very dented floor somewhere. Okay, bad analogy.” If possible Finn looks even more worried. In fact he looks like he he’s about to go find that pesky floor. “Look my point is, you don’t have to protect us all the time, we’re grown boys.”

Finn’s face falls and he looks down at his feet, a blush already spreading. “Oh.” Is all he says. He looks so much like a kicked puppy that Brendon wants to take everything back and cuddle him immediately, until he stops looking like that. But he’s on a mission.

“Look, I’m sorry the bottling happened. It hurt, I won’t lie. The guys told me you took good care of me out there.” At this Finn turns a darker red and even Brendon pinks a little. "These things happen, but it’s a part of this life. It’s not the first time I’ve been hurt and it’s not the last.”

“But you shouldn’t have to be!” at this Finn looks up at him and continues fervently “You’re wonderful and kind and talented! Nobody has the right to hurt you! Hell, why would they even want to?” at this his voice cracks a little, but anymore dramatic confessions are derailed by Brendon launching himself at him in a bear hug.

“I know how to take care of myself; I’ve been doing it for years. So do the others. You just have to trust us and trust Zack. We’ll be alright.” Brendon’s voice is quiet and he clutches at Finn a little tighter.

“Alright.” Says Finn after a beat of silence. “But is I ever find the bastard who hurt you, I reserve the right to punch him in the face.”

“Deal.” Brendon’s voice is still solemn, but his mouth is already twitching. “And I’ll do the same!”

They shake on it. Finn is uncomfortably aware of how Brendon’s hand feels in his, calluses against calluses. He starts blushing again. So does Brendon.

And then they’re just standing there in an uncomfortable silence. Blushing.

“Ahem. You wanted the amp here?” God bless Jack the tech.

“Right. Um, yeah, over there” Finn coughs uncomfortably. “So I’ll see you at soundcheck, right?”

“Right, definitely.”

Brendon heads off stage, almost trips over a stray amp and manages to make it safely down. When he glances back, Finn is still watching. Brendon offers him a casual wave which actually looks like a spaz attack and rushes off.

**_Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: Visitors pt. I_ **

Not many people are aware of this, but Smytech, one of the leading investment/banking firms in the world is a big sponsor of Warped tour. Nobody knows how this arrangement came to be, except that it enabled Warped to function every year.

Then the credit crunch happened and while Smytech wasn’t as badly affected as most, it led to a review of all outside investments, which were in danger of being cut. Now, the aging director of Smytech would be the first to admit that he is completely clueless when it comes to music, especially rock music. However, he does have a young son, who is trying to break into the business and the director feels that following up on the Warped investment business is right up his alley.

This is how Sebastian Smythe finds himself standing in a parking lot somewhere in Milwaukee, about to embark on a tour of the famous Warped tour.

Now to be clear: Sebastian does not want to be here.

In fact there are quite a few places where he would prefer to be at this moment, despite the almost all-male personnel on display on such a tour. Tattooed and smelly was never a particular kink of his.

It isn’t even his type of music; it’s a well-known fact that he loves his boybands and the infernal screeching coming from one of the stages where a band is playing to a plethora of sweaty teenagers is already causing him a headache. He almost manages to tune out the guide’s incessant blathering about “bringing rock closer to the kids” or something similarly sappy, when a familiar figure catches his eye. One of the scruffy technicians has a familiar set of broad shoulders and hmmm that ass is definitely familiar. Then he turns around and Sebastian wants to laugh out loud, because what are the odds?

“Well, well, what do we have here? Finn Hudson, soloist extraordinaire, leader of the famed New Directions struggling with some amps in a dirty parking lot. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.” It certainly sounded nicer in his head. He can see the moment Hudson recognizes him, his face contorting into a grimace, though there’s a spark of humor in his eyes that definitely wasn’t there in high school.

“Sebastian Smythe. Still an asshole, I see.” Hudson is rolling his eyes, but he still drops the amp he’s carrying and jumps off the trailer, offering his hand when he comes closer. “Kurt told me you were reformed, though apparently not enough for basic human courtesy.”

Sebastian takes the proffered hand and holds it for what may be a moment too long. “And he told me that you fuck boys now. You even know big words like courtesy, so really, things can only go up from here.” Hudson rolls his eyes again, but there’s a flush of pink on his cheeks. Sebastian counts it as a victory.

“No, really, what are you doing here? The heat wasn’t enough of a pain and hell decided I needed another tormentor?” Hudson gives a nod at Sebastian’s entourage, ignoring their wide-eyed looks.

“I’m here for show and tell, haven’t you heard?” and Sebastian gets an idea “So why don’t you be the one to show me around? The full Finn Hudson experience.”

“Finn Hudson tours? Those cost money you know.” Is Hudson flirting? Why, this might actually be fun. And he’s still blushing. He has also apparently noticed the pleading looks the guy from Warped management is shooting him. “But it’s not like you’re hard up on cash, with all of daddy’s money on tap. Come on then, you’re lucky my band isn’t on until later.”

It’s a wonderful opening, Sebastian can’t resist. “Ohh your boys…are they cute? I bet they are. Have you fucked any of them yet?” Hudson is practically crimson by now, but there’s something in the tenseness of his shoulders that tells Sebastian that he’s crossed a line.

“They are off-limits for you. You get near them and I end you, money or not. Clear?”

“Crystal.” Sebastian replies “Reformed, remember?” Hudson nods and relaxes.

“So, tour?”

“Lead on.” And he does. His ass is still quite exceptional. He is also surprisingly competent at his job. He explains the layout of the tour and the grounds, but it’s not until they get to the equipment and the music that his expertise really shines.

He takes Sebastian to one of the empty stages and they stand in quiet for a few moments.

“Do you miss performing?”

Sebastian decides to be truthful. “Sometimes. You?”

“Yeah.” They change the subject after that.

After a while Hudson apparently remembers a piece of information about Sebastian. His voice takes on a teasing tone. “Sooo, how’s Dave doing?”

Sebastian feels his face transforming into a smile before he manages to school it back into indifference. “He’s fine. He’s finishing law school and he already has an internship in one of LA’s best law firms.” Again, he fails to hide his proud tone.

“Oh, I heard from Kurt about the epic romance. Met again in college and he didn’t immediately fall for your charms. How long was it before you swept him off his feet? Who would have guessed? David Karofsky, the one who finally tamed the Sebastian Smythe. Don’t even try to hide it; I saw the sappy look on your face.”

Sebastian is saved from responding by a shouted ‘Finn Hudson!’ and a blur attaching itself to Hudson’s back. Hudson barely staggers under the weight and his face morphs into a familiar dopey grin. The man-child attached to him is cute, Sebastian supposes. Again, not his type but there’s no accounting for taste and Hudson’s was apparently tiny and sweaty. Still, no harm in having a bit of fun.

“Well now,” Sebastian purrs “who’s your pretty little friend, Hudson, and where have you been hiding him from me?”

Hudson’s little boyfriend flushes a little, but his “I’m Brendon! Who’s this, Finn?” is confident and his head tilt just barely passing from real to theatrical. A performer then. Probably from Hudson’s baby band. Definitely fun.

“I am Sebastian Smythe” he replies with a flourish “and I-” “am trouble.” Hudson interrupts “He’s just someone I knew in high school.” he says to the little singer. Because he can’t be anything else with those lips, obviously.

“Oh, did you go to the same school?” the boy…Brendon, asks Sebastian, who immediately bursts out laughing.

“As if I would ever set a foot in public school! No, no, you see, Hudson and I were in rivaling show choirs in high school and due to a gross oversight by the judges we, the Warblers were eliminated and the much less talented New Directions-” “won Nationals that year.” Hudson interrupting again.

“You sang in a show choir, Finn? Really?” little Brendon is looking up at Hudson with absolute adoration and Hudson is slowly turning red under the scrutiny. God, this kept getting better and better.

“He was the male lead in his show choir, which must have been some mistake, because he couldn’t dance a step in tune and had to be restrained for most of the performance to avoid collapsing the other singers.” Sebastian remarks and on cue Hudson turns redder.

“I don’t remember you holding a trophy, Smythe. In fact all I seem to remember is you attempting to seduce my brother-in-law and acting like a dick.” Hudson is glaring now. Ooops?

“You mean liking dick. I don’t recall any Hummel-Anderson wedding bells ringing and they certainly weren’t married then, so really, no need to cast me as a villain.”

“They’re practically married anyway. And you’ve always been the villain.” Hudson still looks exasperated, but he keeps glancing at Brendon from the corner of his eye, arm still around his waist where he placed it earlier.

“Finn? What’s this about show choirs and Nationals?” the kid sounds unhappy. Apparently Finn never told them about this aspect of his life. 

“How about we talk about this later?” Hudson’s voice has softened dramatically. Oh yeah, there was definitely a crush going on here, at the least. “I’ll tell you everything before soundcheck, okay? I just have to get rid of this guy and then I’ll come find you as soon as I can.”

“Okay.” Mumbles Brendon, pouting. After offering Sebastian a wave goodbye he disappears into the crowd and Hudson…was that longing? Sebastian had to get out of there or he’d either puke or burst out laughing.

“I never would have thought you’d like them younger. How old is he, 16? Then again I never thought you’d be the type to like boys either until Dave told me after Kurt called.”

“He’s twenty! Not that it matters. Brendon is amazing and funny and smart and a great musician so just…back off okay? He’s going to be a star!”

“Fine. I’m not here to be your agony aunt. As long as you know what you’re doing.” Sebastian is nonchalantly inspecting his nails. “Now take me out of here, I have places to be.”

Their parting is pretty anti-climatic after that. Hudson takes him back to the starting point and excuses himself to prepare for Panic’s performance.

“Once an asshole, always an asshole. I’m on to you, Smythe.” Still, Hudson is grinning at him, taking the sting out of the words and his handshake is firm. “Say hi to Dave. Try not to screw it up.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the tour. Hope I don’t see you around.” And just as Finn is turning to go: “And Hudson? You’re a catch. If I didn’t have Dave, I’d definitely be interested, so stop putting yourself down. Any guy should be happy to have you, even though he’d have to give you a dictionary for a normal conversation.” Hudson just walks away, but he’s blushing again and he turns around to wave before disappearing into the crowds.

Sebastian turns to the Warped tour representative, who is a nervous wreck by now and is clutching his mobile phone like he’s going to commit suicide with it. “Smytech will remain as sponsors of Warped tour, until someone else decides differently. Sneaky of you though, throwing Finn Hudson at me as an offering. All us gay boys had crushes on him in high school. Now stop gaping, god knows it makes you look even more unattractive. Good day.” Then he saunters to the waiting car and drives away, leaving the tour and the relived employees in the dust.

Relaxing in the luxurious seats, he takes stock of the day. Then he pulls out his iPhone and calls Dave.

All in a day’s work.

**_Finn Hudson and Panic at the disco’s epic adventures on tour: Youtube is a boy’s best friend_**

After the conversation with that Smythe guy and Finn, Brendon doesn’t linger around the stage or try to find anything else to occupy with. Instead he makes a beeline for the bus and the Macbook that Spencer will surely kindly lend him. Or he shall be forced to take it by force, because Brendon has to know if it’s true right now, or he’ll burst.

Was Finn really the dashing male lead in an award-winning show choir? What did his voice really sound like, free and unrestrained? Was he really such a horrible dancer?

Google will know. Google knows everything.

“Spencer Smith, this is an emergency, give me your laptop!” Brendon skids onto the bus and almost trips over the pile of Jon/Tom flip-flops that keep mysteriously multiplying overnight (Brendon thinks they may be breeding, but Tom had just laughed every time he asked about it. Brendon misses him.). Spencer just stares at him, but slowly extends the hands holding on to the laptop. Brendon snatches it out of his hands and flops down next to him on the couch. He starts typing furiously while explaining the story to his bemused bandmate.

“…met this guy who knew Finn in high school…” enter search: Finn Hudson new directions show choir “…Finn sang in a show choir…” There are a lot of articles with titles like: Small town Ohio takes surprising win at Nationals; McKinnley Glee club Journeys to the top; Daring New Directions sing original songs etc. Brendon clicks on the first one and Finn is right there, in a group photo, proudly holding up a trophy surrounded by smiling faces. Younger, goofier maybe, but it’s definitely their Finn.

“Look! It’s true!” Spencer and Jon, who had obviously been attracted by the commotion, are reading over his shoulder. “There’s videos too.” says Jon and Brendon immediately clicks on the one that’s titled: New Directions-Regionals.

The video is a bit shaky, but you can still clearly see that it’s Finn making his way through the audience to the stage, singing with a pretty dark-haired girl. The picture doesn’t really matter, because Brendon shuts his eyes and just listens after a while. It’s Finn and he’s singing Faithfully and Brendon’s heart might just be skipping, because it’s Finn’s voice and it’s just like he imagined it would sound like: low and husky, but smooth, fitting the song perfectly.

The three watch, wide-eyed as the choir transitions effortlessly into a mash-up of Journey songs that shouldn’t possibly sound as good as it does. Once this video finishes, Spencer reaches over and clicks on another, because Brendon is kind of limp right now. This one is called Nationals and starts with the female members of the choir.

“Is that Quinn Fabray?” Jon asks. Brendon squints. The pretty blond looks rather a lot like the newest actress on The OC that Jon is maybe a bit obsessed with. “Finn knows Quinn Fabray? That’s why he’s been smirking at me so knowingly every time I start to tell him stuff about her!” Well, Jon is obviously distracted now. On the screen the brunette singer from before is earnestly singing something that might be Celine Dion and her voice really is fantastic, but Brendon wants more Finn right now, please!

As if answering his call, Finn starts of Paradise by the dashboard light, looking adorable in his red tie and his dancing was just…Brendon might have swooned a little.

The next video says it’s from Regionals the year before, but it also says Original songs so they click on it anyway. Finn and the brunette are singing again, but this time the song is unfamiliar. It’s pretty, but feels unpolished and probably like a bunch of talented high school kids wrote it, thinks Brendon, steadily ignoring the irony.

Then Finn and the girl lean in and well…make out on stage practically. A weight settles in Brendon’s stomach, because of course he would be dating his beautiful co-star. The next song is catchy and something about lighting up the world, but Brendon barely hears anything.

“Well, that brings back memories.”

Finn is leaning against the kitchenette’s counter, the door hissing closed behind him. Brendon throws himself at him before he even finishes the sentence. Finn somehow catches him without faltering and Brendon has a small moment when he thinks: _Why am I so upset about this?_ before he buries his face into Finn’s collar. He smells familiar, like musk and candy and unwashed hoodie, exactly like he smelled the day before, when he was laughing at Brendon’s attempts at a Southern accent. He’s the same Finn and yet he’s not, because there’s this whole back-story that Brendon is missing that keeps adding layers to every action now. Brendon pulls away as if he’s burning and sits back on the couch, looking at the carpet.

Finn makes an aborted motion towards him, but seems to change his mind and just stands awkwardly in front of the band, looking a bit like a man confronting a firing squad.

“So you used to be a singer.”

Ryan is standing at the entrance of the bunk area. Finn smiles at him gratefully for breaking the silence.

“Well kinda. I used to be in Glee club, which was basically a show choir. Biggest losers in school.” At this, Finn’s smile turns bitter. 

“But you won Nationals? Wasn’t that a big competition?” asks Spencer.

“Sure. Didn’t make us any cooler, but it made us happy.”

“You know Quinn Fabray? Seriously man, you can’t keep that sort of information to yourself. Aren’t we bros?” Jon being subtle, of course.

“Quinn was in Glee, yeah. She owned the school, head cheerleader and everything. I haven’t spoken to her in years, though I’m not surprised that she’s so successful.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Brendon’s voice is quiet and he’s sitting uncharacteristically still. 

“You’ll ask for a phone number later, come on.” Spencer drags Jon off the bus, while giving Finn a significant look. Ryan disappears quietly into the back lounge.

Brendon doesn’t move. Finn crosses the carpet and carefully settles next to him on the couch. Brendon curls away, instead of into Finn and he can feel Finn wince and immediately wants to forget all about his disappointment, just to tuck himself back against his side, but resists the impulse.

“I’m sorry.” Brendon doesn’t reply. “Look it’s…it’s like this. We were all outcasts in Glee club, no matter how normal some of us may have looked at first glance. It was a place where every one of us was unconditionally accepted, but that didn’t stop us from being the ones who ended up hurting each other the worst. There were some of the best times of my life, but there were also things I’d do anything to forget. Me and Rachel…”at this Finn’s voice breaks and Brendon forgets about being upset, twisting around and lying close to Finn’s side. After a beat, Finn slings his arm around him and pulls him closer.

“We were engaged. I loved her more than anything else in my life. When she moved to college in New York I broke off the engagement, because I didn’t want to hold her back, but we stayed together. She went to the big city and I stayed in Lima and eventually it just didn’t work anymore. I never stopped loving her. I failed getting into college, I failed at boot camp and all that happened made me strange. I hurt all the time and I wanted it to stop, so I shut it in and became indifferent to everything. My step brother and his boyfriend kept me sane, but until I discovered music I was basically numb. My band broke up eventually, but I found a purpose in life. And now I have you guys to look after. Despite that, I prefer to forget that part of my life. Especially Rachel, which is hard, because she’s featured in every part of it. I’m sorry.”

They sit in silence for a while. “Okay.” is what Brendon eventually says.

“Yeah?”

“Yep. One condition though. You sing with me more often. I want to sing with you.”

“It’s a deal.”

They sit like that for a while in silence, close together, Brendon’s head tucked under Finn’s chin and Finn drawing absentminded patterns on Brendon’s shoulder.

“Sooo….Aladdin?”

“Definitely.”

They sing along to every song.

_**Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: Visitors pt.II** _

Since high school ended, Finn had been peripherally aware of Quinn Fabray, but he hadn’t actively spoken to her in years. She cut most of her ties to McKinley when she moved to Hollywood to pursue an acting career and to be honest Finn understood where she was coming from. There wasn’t anything left to say between them anyway.

He had only discovered that she was the newest teen sensation through Jon’s fangirling. When he watched an episode with him, he was surprised at how indifferent he felt when he looked at her. Sure, she was still extraordinarily beautiful, but she didn’t make him feel like he before, the mix of fondness, sadness and confusion he could only label as Quinn.

Jon was upset when he learned that Finn knew Quinn in high school and never told him. Since there wasn’t an upset Jon Walker that a discreet joint and beer couldn’t heal, Finn didn’t worry too much.

No, he didn’t have her phone number, they didn’t talk anymore and Finn didn’t know what music she liked; yes, they dated ("You what?" Jon said, wounded) but not particularly seriously. (it was complicated, okay?)

He didn’t give it much thought. Hollywood was as far away as it was possible to be from Kansas, where there were stages to prepare and beer to drink and sweat to well...sweat.

This made running into her in front of the Fall Out boy bus even more dramatic. Really, Jon looking like a tomato and stuttering should have tipped him off that Pete Wentz's newest celebrity girlfriend was around, but Finn was still having problems imagining prim and clean Quinn in the middle of Warped tour.

She looks completely out of place holding on to Pete’s hoodie wearing a sheer white summer dress and leaving most of the unwashed musicians a bit bemused, staring in admiration at this beautiful woman who dared to be so clean on the dirtiest tour of the year.

She takes Finn by complete surprise and clearly she didn’t expect to see him either, because they both freeze in the middle of the parking lot, staring open-mouthed. Then the moment is over and Finn finds his arms full of Quinn and it’s like he’s fifteen again, her hair smelling like flowers and sunshine and everything he'd ever wanted. Unbidden a memory strikes him, maybe a verse from Lean on me and he lets go.

His "Hi, Quinn." is still a bit wobbly.

Her smile is sad too. "Finn. It’s really good to see you."

"I didn’t think you'd even recognize me with all the celebrities you meet now." he grins at her "and dating rockstars already! I hope Wentz has been treating you right." He shots a glance at the bassist, who looks progressively more confused, looking back and forth between his girlfriend and Panic’s tech.

Quinn draws herself up, hands on her hips and suddenly she looks every inch the Queen Bee of McKinnley and one of the strongest women Finn had ever known.

"Of course."

"He'd better. I'd give him a talk or something, but..." he said the next part to Wentz "Really, she can take care of herself."

Quinn laughs and eventually Pete does too, though he still looks puzzled. 

Finn feels Brendon’s eyes on him throughout the conversation and knows that he was going to have to explain some things later. Brendon isn’t stupid; he was probably guessing Quinn’s place in Finn’s high school stories already.

"What are you doing here anyway? Last time I heard of you, you were still in Lima, running around with a band or something, my mom wasn’t too specific." ‘and you didn’t really care enough to ask.’ finished Finn, mentally.

"I tech for these guys." He reaches backwards blindly for Brendon’s elbow and tugs him forward. The rest of the band follows, everyone a little flustered when Finn introduces them, even Ryan. Jon is worst off, blushing crimson, but he manages a question about the newest plot twist quite admirably.

Finn continues resting his on the crook of Brendon’s elbow, leaving it there, even after Quinn focuses on it with almost laser precision.

"I signed them when they were still babies!" Pete has apparently had enough of being ignored. He settles his arm back around Quinn’s waist, leaving a small smear of eyeliner on her dress, right next to a spot of oil that must have been Finn’s fault. Finn opens his mouth to apologize, but the couple is already making their excuses and Quinn is saying her goodbyes and "We'll keep in touch from now on, right Finn?"

Finn nods and smiles back, even though no one in Glee club had had Quinn’s phone number for years. They leave, Pete still chattering away and Finn realizes with a start that her dress is already turning darker, because of the dust and will probably be much dirtier by the end of the day, strained by mud and eyeliner.

She doesn’t look back.

Later on, after all the shows are done for the night, some of the techs build a bonfire in an open field near the buses. Finn sits down not far from the flames, on the ground, legs drawn up and head resting on his knees.

This is how Brendon finds him, appearing from the darkness somewhere in the direction of the buses. He hands Finn an opened beer and clinks their bottles together.

"Snuck them past Ryan. Thought you might like one."

Finn smiles in thanks as Brendon settles next to him. He’s not leaning on him, but Finn feels his warmth against his side. The beer is too warm and Finn has never gotten used to the taste, but he drinks it anyway, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Me and Quinn got together freshman year. The head cheerleader and the quarterback, it was the perfect high school romance." Brendon is silent by his side. “She was the president of the Celibacy club and very religious, so really there was very little fooling around, but I thought I loved her anyway. Then one day she told me she was pregnant and it was my kid."

Brendon sucks in a sharp breath next to him and Finn feels his wide-eyed stare even without looking at him.

"Yeah. It was strange, since we didn’t do much of anything, but I loved her and I believed her. After her religious parents kicked her out of the house, she came to live with my mom and I and I got a job trying to pay the medical bills. I was scared as hell, but I fell in love with that baby. I sang to the sonogram and I picked out a name, even though looking back, it was a pretty horrible name for a baby. I really wanted to be a dad and be there for my kid, like my dad never managed to be for me. Then Rachel had to be the one to tell me." Finn took a deep breath, aware that his voice was breaking. "She wasn’t mine. Turns out my best friend got my girlfriend pregnant and she lied to me, saying it was mine so I would take responsibility."

Finn can't speak anymore, but it’s okay, because Brendon wraps his arms around him and squeezes hard enough that it’s difficult to breathe. Finn is aware that he doesn’t really mind. Quinn’s appearance brought up things he would rather have left forgotten and now he’s drowning in emotion he’d thought he got over years ago. Brendon smells like sweat and stage make up, likely on one of his no-showering strikes and he doesn’t smell anything like flowers and somehow that’s more comforting than anything else.

"I'm sorry." whispers Brendon against his neck.

"Me too." Is all Finn says. Then a few beats later: "Tell me something."

"Like what?" asks Brendon, loosening his hold and pulling away slightly.

"Anything."

Brendon is quiet for a few minutes.

"When I was 18 and after Pete got us signed, my parents kicked me out of the house. They couldn’t understand it, when I told them that I didn’t believe in god and that I would go on to tour the country with my band, instead of with a mission. So they cut me off. Wouldn’t answer my phone calls, wouldn’t open the door and wouldn’t see me."

Brendon’s usually expressive voice had turned into a monotone and he stares impassively out into the dark. Finn puts an arm around him and pulls him back against his side tightly. Brendon’s voice doesn’t change, but his hand fists in Finn’s hoodie until his knuckles turn white.

“I got a shitty apartment in a shitty part of town and spent most of the time either at school, work or practicing with the band. Then we went on tour and I called home almost every week, but nobody answered. It wasn’t until one night after our album went big, that my little sister picked up the phone. “

“She told me that she saw our video on TV at a friend’s house and that the ladies had very pretty dresses. Then she asked me when I was coming home. I didn’t know what to tell her, so I just told her about the things I saw while on tour, cities and people and how Ryan spilled juice on himself and it looked like he’d peed himself, until she was laughing so hard, my mom came to check on her and took away the phone.”

“I talked to my mom for the first time in months and she told me she loved me and that she was trying to understand. Eventually my dad came around too and we talk sometimes and my brothers come to our concerts and almost scream louder than the fangirls. But…” Brendon falls silent, worrying his lip between his teeth.

“But, what?” Finn asks, gently. Which is harder than it looks, really, because all he wants to is to yell and punch things, because Brendon doesn’t deserve this and not for the first time he sends out a grateful prayer for his mom and Burt.

“They don’t get me, you know? They can listen to the band or come to see the show, but it’s all too much for them. When I’m around them I can’t talk about Disney or my music or the band, because they get this scared look on their faces, like I’m somehow the devil in disguise that came to ruin their perfect uniform lives, but I’m not, I’m just me, like I’ve always been. God forbid I ever bring a boyfriend home, they might get a heart attack.”

Finn winces a little at that, aware that they’re currently in a suspicious position to anyone watching, but then remembers that most fangirls ship Ryden anyway, so in the end he just pulls Brendon closer against his chest.

“Hey, I happen to think that you’re pretty awesome.” says Finn, startling a watery chuckle from Brendon.

The thing is, Finn doesn’t remember ever being this sappy before meeting Brendon, but looking at him now, practically cradled in his arms, he can’t help thinking how tiny he is compared to Finn’s big frame and that he looks like someone who needs hiding away from the world, because he’s too precious to be hurt. Then again, he also can’t help seeing the Brendon Urie who got up after passing out and finished the set flawlessly, who could make a room fall in lust with him just by singing and who was ready to stand behind his beliefs no matter what.

At the same time he was dorky Brendon with a love for Disney and video games and musical theatre, who could sing the whole Tenacious D record by heart and made Finn’s heart beat faster.

Sadly, Finn had never been very good at words. So repeating “You’re pretty damn awesome just the way you are, Brendon Urie.” is the best he can come up with.

Brendon’s answering grin is pretty damn awesome too.

_**Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: Meeting the in-laws** _

As soon as the Panic! tour starts nearing New York, Finn calls his stepbrother. Brendon watches him from the floor of the back lounge and when Finn’s face relaxes into a small grin, he can’t help but wonder what kind of person Kurt must be to make Finn look like that. Sure, Finn has told him a lot about the bullying in high school, how his step brother had to switch schools, but eventually came back with a boyfriend he was to this day completely in love with and how they kept Finn together when things were hardest for him. He loves them a little just for that already and with the way Finn gets when he’s speaking to them, he thinks he might grow to like them even more.

Brendon makes it no secret that he’s listening to the conversation, if Finn actually wanted to keep it from him he would have left for the bunks already.

“…sleeping over in New York and it’s a pretty early show, so could you get us some tickets for Blaine’s performance? I feel bad for missing the premiere.” Finn listens intently to what Kurt is saying on the other line. “Yeah, probably just me…” he catches Brendon looking at him. “…hold on. Hey, Bren, you wanna go see a musical with me on Broadway tomorrow? We could grab something to eat with Kurt and Blaine afterward?”

Well, it’s not like seeing a musical on Broadway has been one of Brendon’s dreams since he was a kid or anything like that. “Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes!”

Finn chuckles at the enthusiastic answer and uncovers the phone’s speaker. “Can you make it two tickets? I’m bringing Brendon with. Yes, I’m sure he’ll like the outfit. We can go to Al’s for food afterward. Okay, I’ll see you soon. Say hi to Blaine to me. Bye!”

'What are we seeing?’ asks Brendon after Finn pockets the phone.

“Blaine replaced Jonathan Groff as the lead in the musical Spring awakening this season. Kurt calls it a coming of age story and a bunch of other technical terms I forgot the moment he said them.” Finn shrugs his shoulders and plops down next to Brendon on the couch.

“The songs are pretty good though, Blaine sang one over the phone to me last week and he sounds fantastic. He’s been nervous about the kissing scene, which is with a girl, obviously and Blaine is pretty much as gay as you can get, but apparently his co-star has been great about it and it’s all going smoothly. All in all, it’s not Disney, but I hope you’ll like it.”

Finn is watching him nervously, so Brendon tries to reassure him the best way he can.

“It’s Broadway; of course I’ll like it! You’ve already proven that your musical theater knowledge is top-notch, I won’t even attempt to contest that.”

This is of course referring to an incident a few weeks prior, when Finn shocked everyone, including himself, by being able to quote Moulin Rouge nearly word for word. When questioned, he mumbled that it was his brother’s favorite movie and blushed scarlet.

Ryan then quizzed him on what seemed to be every musical ever made in the last 50 years with Brendon interrupting with his own questions, while Jon kept score with Wikipedia open for reference.

All in all, it was a pretty normal Saturday night on the Panic bus.

*

The show was pretty amazing that evening, because Brendon had managed to channel most of his nervous energy into the performance. Afterward he practically flew into the shower and pulled on the carefully selected outfit that would hopefully please Finn’s fashion conscious brother. Finn had managed to bribe the other two techs so they were clearing the stage afterwards on their own and so he’s already waiting for Brendon outside the venue when he runs out, avoiding the fangirls by Zack’s superpowers alone.

“Ready to go? No ambushes on your way here?” asks Finn, unlocking the doors of the rental car.

“A girl in glitter eye-shadow tried to football tackle me when I came out the dressing rooms, but Zack caught her just in time.” Brendon says, startling a laugh out of Finn as they slide into the car. “I am a now a hundred percent fangirl free, but you better peel out of this parking lot fast, before they catch on.”

They leave the parking lot quickly after that, passing some fans coming from the show on the way out. Luckily, Brendon doesn’t get recognized and he’s free to examine the bright lights of the city outside. They are definitely very interesting lights and Brendon is definitely not focusing on them to avoid his gaze straying to Finn’s shirt (it had pretty silver buttons that reflected the light and it had nothing to do with how good it made his forearms look).

“You look good.” Finn interrupts his thoughts, fingers tapping an idle rhythm on the steering wheel.

“Why thank you! I asked Ryan for help to choose the perfect outfit to impress your step-brother.” Brendon hoped that the combination of his best black jeans, red button up and vest would be okay, but he’s honestly a bit worried that the black scarf that Ryan insisted on draping artfully around his shoulders might get lost. He even had a smudge of eyeliner around his eyes, though he’d washed out all the heavy stage make-up. He was also pretty sure that it was the right decision to escape when Ryan started bringing out the pink eyeshadow.

“Hey, don’t! Kurt is gonna love you, trust me. He and Blaine have been harmonizing to your CD for months now.”

“Well if he likes my music that’s no guarantee he’ll like me!” says Brendon, averting his eyes and staring at the blurry passersby. “I’m not exactly confident frontman in real life, you know.”

“You’re right.” Finn says, causing Brendon to turn his head around to focus on his profile. “You’re pretty wonderful as just Brendon though and Kurt is going to see that and he’ll probably try to keep you and then Ryan will kill me.”

“Well, if you say so…” Brendon smiles in Finn’s direction, but his leg is still jiggling nervously before he stops it self-consciously. “Is he meeting us at the theatre?”

“Yep.” Finn replies. He’s concentrating on the road pretty intensely and with a jolt, Brendon is reminded of the story of Finn’s driving lesions and subsequent postman mauling, so he checks his seatbelt again. It’s holding and Brendon forces himself to relax. It’s hard though.

They get a parking space by miracle alone, but still need to speed walk over to the theatre, because New York traffic meant they were cutting it uncomfortably close to showtime.

If Brendon hadn’t guessed that the tall, slim man in designer clothing that fit him perfectly was Finn’s Kurt, then the matching smiles they sprouted the moment they laid eyes on eachother were certainly a clue.

“Your shoes look ridiculous.”

Is the first thing out of Kurt’s mouth after hugging his brother and Brendon reflexively checks his beat up all-stars even if it’s not meant for him, wincing when he sees the little hole next to a shoelace and the accumulated dust marks that he could have sworn weren’t there that morning.

However, Kurt is smiling when he offers his hand and it lights up his face and Brendon is suddenly irrationally reminded of Finn, even though he knows that they aren’t actually related. He feels himself relax a little, only to choke when Kurt next opens his mouth.

“So you’re the Brendon that Finn’s been talking about non-stop for the last few months.” He takes a step backwards and looks Brendon up and down appraisingly. “You’re even cuter in person.”

It’s weird, because that should sound flirtatious, but Kurt says it like a fact, not like a come on and Brendon likes him a lot more suddenly. Though by the rate Finn is turning red and the pitch of his outraged “Kurt!” , he realizes that probably not many people know that while interacting in with him.

“What has he been telling you? I’m completely capable of dressing myself usually, the lacy vest was just a moment of weakness and Ryan made me do it, I swear!”

“I will not lie, the lacy vest and the roses, while very haute couture, weren’t exactly your best decision, both Blaine and I agree on that. Though the costumes in the Sins video had inspired a few of my outfit ideas, when it came out. Who came up with those?”

After the first few minutes, Brendon is relieved to find that chatting with Kurt is actually quite enjoyable. He has strong options on everything from fabrics to the current political climate and he’s ready to defend them to the death. He and Finn are so different, Brendon muses, but they seem to have a shared power when it comes to putting Brendon at ease. By the time they settle into their seats, it feels like Kurt is an old friend.

Kurt nudges an elbow in his ribs when a handsome dark-haired man takes the stage and starts singing, instantly captivating the audience.

“That’s my Blaine.” Kurt’s voice sounds unimaginably proud. Glancing to his left, Brendon can see the same emotion reflected in Finn’s smile.

The musical is incredible and Brendon is enthralled from start to finish. He spares a thought to the fact that his own shows might one day inspire his audience like this, to hang on to every note and gasp with every plot turn. He hoped so.

The trio rises into a standing ovation when the play finishes and Blaine blushes at the wolf whistles Finn sends his way, when he comes to take the final bow.

Kurt takes them through a back door backstage after talking to the man guarding them. Within moments, Finn has an excited Blaine wrapped around his body and Brendon realizes that this is probably why Finn dealt so well with excitable frontman hugs; he had one in the family already.

There wasn’t exactly much time to muse on this new discovery, as soon he has a sweaty mass wrapped around his own body. Blaine is apparently much less shy about personal boundaries than his partner. The smell of stage makeup and sweat is familiar enough and Brendon immediately relaxes. 

After introductions, Blaine bounces excitedly around the room, chattering away while gaining fond looks from his co-stars and Kurt.

An undeniable feeling of deja-vu hits Brendon in the gut and he asks himself, ‘Do I look like that when I come off stage?’ He turns to Finn to ask the question, only to find that he had apparently read his mind.

“Yup.” Finn was grinning. “It’s only that you demand Capri-Suns instead of Kurt kisses.”

A glance back at the couple proves it true; Blaine has his taller boyfriend bent in a dip and is kissing him thoroughly in a scene reminiscent of an old Hollywood movie, something that nobody seems to pay any mind, apparently too used to it to care anymore.

They go to Al’s for dinner afterward and Brendon feels genuinely happy in their company. They take care to include him in the conversations, Kurt and Blaine sharing little glimpses into their life in New York and Finn and he telling tour stories that have them all rolling on the floor with laughter.

Time flies when you’re having fun and before they know it, Kurt and Blaine are taking them back to their apartment for a sleepover, insisting that they not drive, because of the late hour.

When they arrive, Finn loudly insists that Brendon take the guest room and curls up on the couch. Blaine and Kurt exchange surprised glances at his contorted position, while Brendon just gives a soft snort; knowing that sleeping in vans and buses made you capable of sleeping in the tightest of places.

Hidden under the blankets in the guestroom, Brendon has to admit to himself that the evening was more fun that he had had in ages.

He falls soundly asleep, still with a smile on his face.

*

Brendon gets up early, startled awake by the other voices in the apartment. He shuffles sleepily towards the living room, where Finn is sitting up on the couch, apparently just woken up as well.

Brendon sits down next to Finn on the couch and watches him slowly rub the sleep from his eyes, the morning sunlight pooling on his face as he tries to evade it. There are voices coming from the kitchen, where Blaine and Kurt are apparently arguing over the toaster. After a while they fall silent, argument resolved and Brendon watches as Finn blinks sleepily at the windows. A melody starts floating in the air, Blaine’s voice rising from the kitchen.

_every stop is neatly planned for a poet and a one man band..._

Kurt’s considerably higher voice joins in on the next verse and Finn tilts his head towards the door, eyes slipping shut. After a beat he adds his lower harmony to the song, the other two falling silent as he takes over the next verse.

_The trouble it might drag you down..._

It’s like the music is taking a tangible form, chords making slow progressions through the rays of sunlight passing through the window. Brendon feels slow and groggy, the unreality of the moment stripping his usually active mind of all but the barest of functions. All he can concentrate on is the music and the curve of Finn’s smile as it moves in time with the words. 

Slowly, the lyrics trail off and the room sinks into silence. The conversation from the kitchen starts up again, a soft murmur in the background. Brendon watches Finn, sunlight painting his skin, smile bright and lazy. He reaches out, curving his hand around Finn’s cheek and slotting their lips together. They stay like that for a moment, pressure light and breaths mingling before Brendon presses harder and they’re really kissing, passionate, tongues tangling carefully.

"Breakfast is ready!" It’s Kurt, interrupting from the other room and they break apart, startled.

Brendon watches the pink spread along Finn’s cheeks and can’t keep his eyes off his lips. Finn doesn’t say anything and Brendon can’t think of anything to break the silence so he stands and offers Finn a hand up. He doesn’t take it and hauls himself off the couch, but his hand grazes against Brendon’s on the way to the kitchen, so Brendon thinks he couldn’t have screwed up all that badly.

If their hosts notice the tension surrounding them during breakfast, they don’t mention it. They fill the existing silence with chatter and Brendon offers a few absentminded replies, but he can’t seem to concentrate on anything but the memories of lips and tongue and warmth that burn slowly and steadily through his body still.

Finn still won’t look at him.

The ride back to the bus is quiet. Brendon sneaks glances from the corner of his eye and catches Finn doing the same 

They arrive at the venue and Finn cuts the engine. They stay seated and unmoving until Finn swears under his breath, hand darting over the space between their seats and gripping Brendon’s shoulder. Brendon is already meeting him halfway and their kiss is brutal, teeth clicking together, more of a bite than a kiss. Finn kisses like he’s drowning, like he can’t get enough and Brendon thinks ‘oh’. And ‘how did I miss this?’

After a moment, Finn gentles the kiss, the hand resting on Brendon’s nape softening to brush through the soft hairs on his neck. He pulls away slowly and Brendon catches himself chasing after his lips for one more kiss.

"We can’t." Finn whispers into the silence, the hand on Brendon’s shoulder clenching almost painfully before he pulls away entirely and gets out of the car, leaving Brendon flushed and confused.

When he gets out of the car, Finn is already speaking with Zack on the other side of the parking lot and his bandmates are waiting for the tales of his night off, so he heads off in the direction where Jon is eagerly wavering.

He doesn’t see Finn for the rest of the day.

*

Finn has been avoiding him for one whole week and Brendon has had enough. Enough of Finn turning tail every time Brendon enters a room, claiming he’s forgotten an amp when they’re clearly all on stage or disappearing in the evenings for the tech bus instead of joining everyone else for movie nights.

Brendon has also had a few beers, which may well explain the fact that he is seeking out Finn right now instead of sitting on his bus, moping.

The thing is, Brendon doesn’t get it. He’s seen Finn looking before, but especially now and while he may have been oblivious until the kiss, he isn’t blind to it now. He honestly can’t see the problem: Finn gives great cuddles, he’s an awesome listener, they have fun together and he watches Disney movies with him. Also he is pretty hot. And he seems to think Brendon is pretty hot too, so there is no reason this couldn’t work.

Finn is lounging against the parking lot fence with Jack when Brendon finds him.

Jack takes one look at Finn’s frozen fear and Brendon’s determined expression and makes himself scarce.

"You’ve been avoiding me." Brendon points out, swaying a bit on his feet. He seats himself down next to Finn, noting how the other shrinks away.

"I haven’t been avoiding you." says Finn, pretty unconvincingly, considering the fact he’s managed to put a feet of space between them in the last 20 seconds and that he looks suspiciously close to running.

"I know it has something to do with the kissing." Brendon ignores him completely, ploughing on. "But I’m also pretty sure you kissed me back, so what’s the problem? If I’m not good enough-" Finn’s head snaps up at that.

"It’s not that! You’re good, in fact you’re pretty much perfect." he quiets for a moment, scuffing the ground with a dirty sneaker. “The problem is that I’m not."

"What?"

"Look Bren, I’m just a tech, practically manual labor on minimum wage. I’ve never even had an apartment of my own, that’s how much I move around. And you..." Finn takes a deep breath and looks Brendon directly in the eyes. "You’re a star, Brendon Urie. A beautiful talented star and I won’t let you throw away your career on someone like me."

"But I want you! Don’t you think I’m old enough to know what I want?" Brendon’s reply is immediate and indignant.

Finn is quiet. "Quite honestly...no."

Brendon is already taking a big breath and he looks utterly furious, so Finn cuts him off before he can start on his tirade."I’m 24 and I have no idea what I want, Bren. But I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t do casual with you, even if you asked. I care about you too much. So I’d rather we be friends that risk losing you completely."

Brendon takes a moment to be think it over, rage pushed aside. "So if I waited until I was completely sure what I wanted, would you be ready to accept that answer?"

"I would try. I would try for you." Finn offers him one of his grins, but it’s softened around the edges and he looks sad. "Until then, can we pretend that it never happened?"

Brendon is struck with the fact that he would agree to anything just to make him smile normally again, so all he can do is nod.

They stay quiet for a while, watching the cars passing by on the highway.

"Are we still friends?" Brendon finds himself saying. Now that he’s thinking clearly, the prospect of zero interaction and more days without Finn’s presence is pretty daunting.

"Of course we are." Finn’s answer is immediate and he looks so earnest that Brendon has to reach over to curl his fingers around his hand. The shudder that goes through both of them at the touch has them springing apart immediately.

"Uhhh...but maybe no touching for a while." says Finn and he’s blushing and looking away and Brandon has to stop himself from reaching out for him again.

"I guess." says Brendon and then they both burst out giggling, partly in embarrassment and partly in relief. 

_**Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the Disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: But mostly off tour actually  
** _

Things between him and Brendon are still weird, but after a while they seem to normalize and they can function as usual again.

They don’t touch as much anymore and Finn would be lying if he said that he didn’t miss it. He’s glad though, to listen to Brendon’s babble, to his jokes and to talk about music again. It was worth it, just for that. And if he sometimes sees Brendon laugh openly and unselfconsciously at a joke and he suddenly can’t breathe for a second, well...it was worth that too.

About a month into the Nothing rhymes with circus tour, Brendon gets a girlfriend. Her name is Audrey and she’s pretty, from what Finn can see. That isn’t much, because he tries to avoid being at the same places she is as much as possible, immersed in taping wires with vigor, setting up Spencer’s drums the way he likes them and ignoring the way his stomach is turning steadily into lead.

Brendon still seeks him out, even if it’s not as frequent, but he’s bright and funny as usual and maybe even happier, so it was worth it. It was. It’s just that sometimes, Finn isn’t sure who he’s convincing of that.

Brendon breaks up with Audrey a while later and doesn’t seem particularly sad about it, at least not when he hangs out with Finn before soundcheck, sitting on an amp, heels drumming a beat to the cadence of his words.

He smiles at him and Finn can’t help smiling back.

Then tour ends and the band rents a cabin in Arizona to write an album.

Finn decides to take a break too. It’s strange, but taking up another band right then doesn’t feel right. And maybe he’s finally getting tired of touring.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Friday nights would be empty without movie nights on the Panic bus or shopping at bus stops with Spencer and Ryan or that tour wouldn’t be tour without Brendon laughing. Nothing at all.

Time off would do him good, he decides, so he packs up his bags and heads off to New York. By the time the plane touches down at the LaGuardia airport, he’s already got a text from Brendon, a picture of a snowy landscape and the words _'not missing tour at all!'_

Finn grins and sends back: _'write me some good songs im sick of fever on repeat'._

Finn rents a tiny apartment in New York, barely fending off Kurt’s interior decorating ideas, until the space fits him semi-comfortably. He sends Brendon a picture of the living room and writes: _'it doesnt move but it might be home for a while'_

They text back and forth for the duration of the band’s stay at the cabin. 

Finn feels a certain measure of pride, knowing that he’s the first one Brendon calls to complain about the others being insufferable or a new riff he’s thought up. The late night phone calls are worst though, when Brendon is tired of the day when the music just hadn’t sounded right and he hates his bandmates a little bit and he wishes he were home already.

All Finn can do on those nights is listen, then talk about his day spent with Kurt or Blaine or some stupid movie he watched on TV that evening, until Brendon’s breath evens out and Finn wakes up with the phone’s shape stamped into the side of his face.

Combined with the jobs he picks up at New York’s various music venues, it’s a pretty comfortable existence. It lasts up until the evening that Kurt mentions the Glee club reunion taking place in one of the nearby karaoke bars.

“You are coming, right? I mean you’ve been way on tour for all the others, but now you’re here and you don’t have an excuse not to come.”

Kurt is folding up the carefully ironed shirts and trousers that Blaine is handing him from the ironing board, while Finn has been delegated to matching never-ending piles of socks that seem to be multiplying by the hour.

“Everyone always asks about you. They miss you.” adds Blaine.

What else can Finn do but agree.

*

The karaoke bar has _Lying_ on its selection list and Finn is already barely containing his glee (pun completely un-intended) thinking about how excited Brendon would be about it.

So before going onstage, he dials and hands his phone to Kurt. The song is second nature to him by now, after months of hearing it repeated in various different ways almost every night, but it’s still a different feeling, singing it on stage and not standing sidestage hoping that Spencer’s snare drum doesn’t fall over again and only occasionally finding the time to mouth along to Brendon’s voice.

Finn lowers the pitch and slows down the song, making it more of a mournful ballad than a song about well…sex, which should be in odds with the original music, but somehow ends up sounding good.

Savoring the adrenaline rush from the feeling of singing again, Finn tosses his hip in a much more awkward imitation of Brendon’s stage antics, which nevertheless gets a cheer from the gathered crowd of friends.

Afterward, he collects his phone from a beaming Kurt and listens to Brendon giggle on the other end of the line.

"So what do you think? Did I capture your essence?" there’s a catcall in the background that sounds like Jon, indicating that he must have been on speaker phone for the duration of the performance.

"Kurt provided commentary." Ryan’s voice filters through "Did you really dance like a particularly stiff scarecrow to our sexiest song?"

Finn is just about to retort with a remark on Ryan’s own dancing queen impressions when he's interrupted by a cough.

"Hi Finn." he turns around and there she is, tiny and beautiful still, in a cream blouse and dark skirt, a fedora on her head, mouth stretched into a smile and totally not the person he was expecting to see.

"Rachel," he knows his voice sounds strange and Brendon’s silence on the other line tells him that he hears it too. "I’ll call you later." he mumbles into the phone and ends the call.

When he turns to fully face her, he sees that Rachel is watching him. Her smile is tentative and her fingers are tapping against her hip the way they always would when she was waiting to go on stage or to confront a bunch of bullies. Finn is surprised that he doesn’t quite know which one of those categories he fits.

"You sounded good up there. I wouldn’t have guessed it was your kind of music."

"I tech for the band. They’re all incredible musicians and I didn’t even do them justice."

Finns mind flashes back to Brendon’s voice on the phone and his grin onstage a few weeks ago and he takes a deep breath. "Sorry, I’m a bit scattered. How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

He watches as Rachel immediately becomes more animated as she starts explaining the plot of her new musical that’s debuting on Broadway next month and Finn sees the way her eyes light up and her hands draw pictures in the air, while trying to sort out his jumbled emotions. He hadn’t expected her to be here, hadn’t even thought about it, though in hindsight it seemed stupid, because of course she wouldn’t miss it. She hadn’t been the one running from her past for the past couple of years. He’s interrupting her speech before he even realizes he’s doing so.

"I’m sorry. I should have been a better person when I was with you and I’m sorry that I hurt you and that I left things they were between us. I’m sorry. And for interrupting you just now as well."

She watches him for a couple of moments in silence, then speaks quietly.

"I know you are. I forgave you a long time ago."

"Oh." it shouldn’t feel like a weight off his shoulders, but suddenly he feels lighter, easier.

"I’m getting married in June. He’s a ballet dancer and I don’t see him often but I love him."

There is no feeling of devastation or anger. His heart feels is just fine. In fact, he realizes, that he hadn’t ignored her unavoidable presence at the reunion because of some twisted sense of self-delusion, he just hadn’t thought about her in a while. Hadn’t even thought to miss her anymore.

"I’m glad." and he means it.

She must read something in his expression, but he can’t guess what makes her say her next words.

"It’s a really is a nice feeling, being in love. Maybe it’s for the best that we got to experience it with other people.”

“I…yeah, you’re definitely right. I’m just glad you’re happy and that all is going well for you.” Finn mirrors her relived smile with one of his own. “But if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a phone call. I’ll see you later; we’ll catch up some more, okay?”

He rushes away before he even sees her answering nod and locks himself in the thankfully empty bathroom.

The phone rings for quite a while, before Brendon answers. His ‘Hello’ sounds strained. In fact, Finn thinks worriedly, he hasn’t sounded like that since that evening when he and Ryan got into a vicious argument about a song and punches almost got thrown.

“Hi.” The next few words come out in a rush, like Brendon might hang up if he takes too long. “I just wanted to tell you that they have _A whole new world_ on the menu here and all I could think about was singing it with you.”

A beat of silence and then Brendon’s voice comes through the phone line, filtered, but not diminished by the static and the miles between them.  
 _A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view_

Finn closes his eyes, leaning his head against the graffitied wall and joins in on the next verse.

_(Hold your breath, it gets better)_

He can’t help but feel that in a life ridden with failures, something finally went right.

_****Finn Hudson and Panic at the Disco’s amazing adventures on tour: The growing curve** **  
_

They trash the cabin album. It’s a unanimous decision, Jon brings the matches and Ryan the masters of the records and they burn them in the backyard of Brendon’s rented house in Vegas in complete silence.

“So what now?” asks Brendon after the last embers have died down.

“We take a break. Regroup and meet up in the studio in a months’ time, hopefully with a clearer idea of where we’re going.” Spencer answers, always the cool-headed one of the band.

They split up slowly, Spencer and Ryan to their shared apartment, Jon crashing with them until the next flight to Chicago and Brendon is left alone, lingering on the front porch.

Brendon’s fingers hover over the keyboard, familiar name highlighted on the screen. He’s mentally calculating the time difference. It’s late in L.A and later still in New York. It’s not a question of whether or not Finn will pick up, because he always does, even if it’s during a show or dinner with Kurt and Blaine. Finn will pick up, let him listen to a few minutes of the band playing or the ongoing conversation, before hanging up and texting an apology right after.

No, see the question is why does he feel the need to call Finn every time he’s upset or tired or just miserable? Or when he’s happy or excited or angry. How come hearing Finn’s voice made the most tiring days at the cabin feel brighter and easier? Why has something been missing ever since he waved goodbye to the touring crew in New York?

Brendon doesn’t have the answers. Or rather, he does, he’s just not sure if he can accept them yet and he promised Finn he’d be completely sure.

The truth is, and Brendon won’t admit this to anyone, maybe himself least of all, but Audrey was beautiful and way out of his league, but she didn’t understand curling up with a Pixar new release on a Friday night when she could be out at a party showing up her shiny new dress or her shiny new boyfriend. Oscar, who came after, was gorgeous and smart and his smile was dreamy, but it didn’t go all crooked and fond when Brendon did something embarrassing, instead it turned into a frown when he looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. It was funny how a string of easily forgettable, but undeniably attractive mouths and faces couldn’t make Brendon feel as bright as a simple stolen kiss on a broken down couch.

The truth is that none of them were Finn.

He hits the send button and listens to the phone ring. It only takes a few seconds for Finn to answer and Brendon smiles at the muted sounds of shuffling and clattering on the other line.

“Hello?” Finn sounds sleepy and subdued, voice surrounded by the crackle of static Brendon has gotten used to in the past few months. It’s easy to imagine what Finn looks like right now, burrowed under blankets because it’s still cold in New York, long limbs tucked compact from long years spent in bunks, body not sure how to relax into a normal position after so long.

“I’m coming to New York.” Brendon wants, suddenly and sharply to be there, to listen to Finn laugh and breathe without the swell of static and distance in the way.

“Okay. I bought a new couch; you’ll sleep like a princess.” Brendon remembers the couch, it’s an ugly yellow mustard color and the picture came complete with Kurt in the background looking absolutely horrified.

“Like a princess, huh?”

“Pretty, pretty princess.” It’s obvious Finn isn’t even awake at this point, his words are just a sleepy mumble and Brendon lets him drift off, his breathing a soundtrack to his thoughts.

He gets up and goes inside to book a flight.

*

Brendon would love to say that he booked the first flight to NY he could find and arrived at Finn’s door just when he was waking up to make coffee, but in reality Brendon got distracted comparing the prices of two airlines (Spencer had been drilling it in his head to be careful with money for years now, it’s not surprising it came out in the most inopportune moments) and fell asleep on his laptop. He was woken up by the shrill buzzing of his phone the next morning and Finn worried that he’d dreamt his phone call the night before.

Brendon finally books the flight with Finn freaking out over the phone, because he hadn’t thought to buy extra blankets and bedcovers and does Brendon prefer softer or harder pillows?

He arrives at the airport in the early evening, with his barely unpacked suitcase and guitar case in tow. He lays those carefully aside before flinging himself into Finn’s waiting arms and proceeding to hug the stuffing out of him.

The next few hours are the happiest Brendon has been in a while.

He eats takeout and watches Finn, as his long arms wave around dramatically while he retells a story of a band he used to tech for that leaves Brendon in stitches and he snuggles into his shoulder as they re-watch High fidelity for the hundred’ time. He listens to him snoring softly in the bedroom, nestled into his blankets on the surprisingly comfortable couch.

Brendon goes to bed and wakes up with a song in his head. It’s just a chord at first. At play fighting over the best cereal it solidifies into two. By lunch he has a whole chord progression. When Finn hugs him goodbye to go to work, he’s already got lyrics clamoring for his attention. By midnight, when Finn gets back, he’s written a song.

“It’s still early; do you want to watch a movie?”

Brendon grins. It’s nice to know that Finn is still operating on rockstar time where everything before 3AM is early and sleep regularly stretches towards noon.

“Actually, can I play you a song first?”

“Yeah! Is it new? Is it for the new album?” Finn is already excited, bouncing around in a strange role reversal. They hadn’t talked about the scrapped album yet, of disappointments or failures, but Brendon knows they will, eventually. Right now he just hopes his voice doesn’t crack.

“I don’t know yet. I have to run it by the guys first, but I want to hear what you think. Listen carefully, okay?”

Finn nods solemnly, as he settles on the carpet in front of the couch where Brendon is settling his acoustic guitar on his lap.

He takes a deep breath and begins.

_Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two_  
 _Where summer's lasted longer than_  
 _Longer than we do_  
 _Where nothing really mattered  
_ _Except for me to be with you_

Brendon chances a look at Finn and he seems absorbed in the song, eyebrows pressed together in a way that indicates he’s thinking hard on something.

_You've never been so divine_  
 _In accepting your defeat_  
 _And I've never been more scared to be alone_  
 _If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep_  
 _Then I'm putting out the lantern  
_ _Find your own way back home_

The room is silent when Brendon finishes and he places the guitar carefully away to give himself a moment, where he can avoid looking at Finn’s face.

“That was beautiful.” Brendon looks up. Finn seems puzzled and strangely vulnerable. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, before deciding. “I…what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m sure.”

Finn snaps to attention at that and Brendon clears his throat where a lump had wedged itself firmly. “There have been other people and none of them were right. The reason they weren’t right was that they weren’t you.” Finn looks incredulous and Brendon has to take a deep breath before going on.

“I’m sure about this. About us. Are you ready to accept that answer?”

And then Finn is moving to settle next to him on the couch, hand settling on his cheek as he leans in close.

He whispers “Yes.” right before their lips touch. It’s a bit awkward because of the angle, but it’s the sweetest kiss Brendon has ever had and the anticipation’s only made it sweeter. They kiss for several long moments, lips moving slowly, almost chastely against each other as if afraid to break the moment. They break it off to catch their breaths, foreheads resting together as they steal each other’s air.

“Took you long enough.” says Brendon and swallows Finn’s answering laughter in a kiss much deeper and more demanding than the previous one.

In the morning, when they wake up tangled in each other, Brendon whispers a question against Finn’s neck.

“Are you where you imagined yourself being five years ago?”

“No.” Finn answers, pecking the corner of his smile. “But I’m pretty sure I’m where I belong.”

**THE END**


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